I would be a terrible agent.

Your life probably isn't interesting enough for an autobiography but go ahead. You're not really doing anything else with your time and at least it's a subject you're familiar with.

I just don't think it's going to be an honest portrayal unless there’s a whole chapter on how to abuse a friendship and be a coward.

What's that? You don't think that's a side of yourself people want to see?

Why do you think people want to see any side of you? You spend your time being part of the problem while pretending piety.

You are not making the world a better place but you once had the opportunity to.

Your book should be called "Carried by my friends until I got too fat for them to keep me up so I found other friends." It's a long title but I think you can make it work. Maybe that can be your hook.

Yeah, sure. Use of the word "fat" is a metaphor for "success". Why not?

I'm going to start charging 35% from now on.