Qantas returns to the skies just in time

In a decision handed down by Fair Work Australia earlier this morning, Qantas has been ordered to resume flights immediately.

The decision was largely influenced by Justice Giudice, President of FWA, and his knowledge of Josh Kinal’s impending visit to New York.

“We had been aware for a long time that Josh had planned to travel to New York this coming Wednesday,” he said. “This industrial action by Qantas really couldn’t have come at a worse time. His friends and family were very concerned.”

Alan Joyce, CEO of Qantas, welcomed the decision by Fair Work Australia.

“It was explained to me this morning,” Mr Joyce said, in a brief press conference, “that Mr Kinal has not had the pleasure of a black-bean burrito from Super Taco Express for more than 18 months.”

The CEO referred a number of times to the deliciousness of food from the Mexican takeaway restaurant in New York’s Chelsea district. “It was foolish of us to not take all of these matters into consideration last Saturday.”

Leader of the federal opposition, Tony Abbot, said the industrial action could have been avoided if Mr Kinal had taken Mr Joyce’s call.

“I was recording Boxcutters at the time,” Kinal said, in a statement read by his representatives. “My understanding is that Mr Joyce panicked, hung up and grounded all planes as a response to my outgoing voicemail message.”

“It’s true,” confirmed Mr Joyce. “I really hate leaving a message. I tried sending him a DM on twitter, but he’s not following me. I didn’t know what else to do.”

The proprietors of Super Taco Express called Mr Joyce and Justice Giudice to thank them for allowing Mr Kinal to continue with his plans to “eat the hell out of our beef quesadillas.”